A tricky area for Christian men is their relationships with women. Men and women are different; they think differently, they react differently, they are built differently. The Word of God does speak to this topic, however.
I have broken this topic down into four areas: his wife, other Christian women, a prospective spouse or girlfriend (assuming he isn't married, of course), and unsaved women. Clearly, there may be some overlap between the categories.
How a Christian Man Treats His Wife
(Eph 5:25–33; Col 3:19; 1 Pet 3:7; 1 Cor 7:1–5)
I have broken this topic down into four areas: his wife, other Christian women, a prospective spouse or girlfriend (assuming he isn't married, of course), and unsaved women. Clearly, there may be some overlap between the categories.
How a Christian Man Treats His Wife
(Eph 5:25–33; Col 3:19; 1 Pet 3:7; 1 Cor 7:1–5)
- He should love her like Christ loves the Church.
- He should care for her like Christ cares for the Church.
- He should give himself for her like Christ gave himself for the Church.
How a Christian Man Treats Other Christian Women
- He understands that they are his sisters in Christ (1 Tim 5:2). As such, he is pure in his thoughts and actions toward them. He guards their purity like he would that of his own sister.
- A Christian man provides godly leadership in his home and his church for women. God’s order is that men should lead and women should follow (1 Cor 11:8–9). Men should care for and protect the women. Many times women are forced to lead by men who fail to take leadership.
- He takes seriously his responsibility to build them up (1 Pet 3:7). Christian women are "fellow heirs of the grace of God." Just as with any other Christian, he must edify them.
How a Christian Man Treats A Prospective Spouse or Girlfriend
- In a dating relationship, a Christian young man must remember that girl does not belong to him. Someday, if the Lord permits, she will get married and become someone’s wife. Just as he would not want someone else to defile his future wife, he should not defile another man’s future wife.
- A Christian young man’s first concern in a dating relationship should be maintaining a good testimony, not his own personal pleasure. He will act in a way that is above reproach (1 Tim 3:2), so that his "good deeds" cannot be spoken against (Rom 14:16).
- A Christian young man who leads a sister in Christ into sin, cheating her out of her purity will answer to God for his actions (1 Thess 4:3–8). God has called believers to holiness, not uncleanness.
How a Christian Man Treats Unsaved Women
- A Christian man should treat all women, saved or unsaved, with respect and honor (1 Pet 3:7). He respects and cares for them like a "weaker vessel." He shows courtesy and special honor to them by holding doors for them and allowing them to go first.
- Many unsaved women desire to attract the eyes and attention of men by dressing immodestly or acting provocatively (Prov 7:6–23). The Christian man is not free to view these women as objects to satisfy his sinful lusts. Instead, he should see these women as souls for whom Jesus Christ died (1 John 2:2). If Jesus gave himself for these women, how can a Christian man use these women to gratify sinful desires and disobey God?
- A Christian man should view unsaved women as people who need the gospel (2 Cor 5:17–21). His actions toward these women should be in keeping with his status as an ambassador of Christ. Jesus himself maintained appropriate relationships with women, showing concern and genuine love while keeping himself pure (Luke 7:37–50).
Comments
Thanks for the post - I enjoy studying what the Bible says about "cross-gender relationships" anyway because I find maintaining biblical relationships particularly challenging. I think many Christian people don't teach these things, but rather assume that the general population will just catch on.
I have some questions - you made the comment that men should lead and women should follow based on I Cor 11:8-9. Did you deliberately put that after the sentence about home and church (implying that this leading/following only specifically applies to home and church)?
The fact that men are to lead in their homes is also clear from many New Testament passages. The husband's leadership over his wife is analogous to Jesus Christ's authority over the church, and the wife ought to submit to it (Eph 5:23-24).
I did not make the statement that men ought to lead and women follow in every area of life simply because that would be extra-biblical. I only see the Bible explicitly commanding this hierarchy in the church and home. For example, I do not claim authority over every woman, just my wife.
My point in context was that men should step up and provide leadership, both in the home (for their wives) and in the church. Godly men should lead a local assembly, providing an example for the women to follow, and not vice versa. I was dealing more with men who force women to lead by refusing to take responsibility in their homes and churches.
It is worth noting, however, that Paul also says in 1 Corinthians 11:3 that "the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God" (ESV). There are a few observations I could make on this passage:
I am certainly aware that the Greek words gune and aner can be variously translated, as the ESV footnote indicates. They can be translated "woman" and "man" or "wife" and "husband." Which translation to choose is dependent on context (cf. 1 Cor 7:1-2).
The key here is the meaning of "head" (kephale). Some (e.g., Fee, Mickelsen, et al) have argued that head refers to "source" like the head of a river. Unless someone has a serious idealogical axe to grind, this seems unlikely, especially in light of Ephesians 5:23-24. There it says that Christ is the Head of the Church and it follows that the Church submits to her Head. Whatever the relationship is, it calls for submission (just as Christ submitted to his Father).
Saying that the husband is the head of the wife does not involve superiority or intrinsic value (cf. God is the head of Jesus Christ).
I think the significance of this verse is that Jesus Christ has authority over every person, and each woman is under the authority of her husband (not that the head of every women is any man).
I realize I may have "over-answered" your question, but maybe I covered it.